http://www.vindicarlo.com The Attraction code video. Vin DiCarlo talks about how he developed his book, The Attraction Code. For more information about the contents of the book and to sign up for a free 45 minute masterclass introduction to the attraction code visit www.AttractionCodeBook.com.
Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you fear of getting embarrass if you approached a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.
Most guys shy away from approaching women who are with other guys for a couple reasons.
They assume that the girl is “with” the guy, and assume he’s her boyfriend.
Guys shouldn’t think this as a barrier of talking to a woman. Plus - she’s not a guy’s “slave” or a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses, especially in a social situation like in the bar where people meet other people.
You will extremely look confident if you approach more often a woman who is “with” a guy and this can draw out the guy’s jealous side, making him look weak and insecure.
The other reason points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception that’s why they avoid talking to woman who is “with” a guy.
Men tend to be threatened by other men, they assumed that the “other guy” is more cooler, stronger, or somehow powerful than they are.
This is founded in an ancient survival strategy that has been hardwired into the human brain.
In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more “dominant” person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn’t know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.
As was probably common thousands of years ago, a guy doesn’t know if he will be embarrassed verbally.
So it’s smart to play it safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Males who were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but all it took was one loss to end up dead or exiled from the tribe.
And then their genes were taken out of the “game” so to speak.
Those guys that avoided confrontation and played safe are the one that can successfully reproduce and survive.
The irony is that most of approach anxiety nowadays have the basis on this hard-wired survival strategy - the false assumptions of the guys will lead them to unnecessarily avoid women.
The thing is, most times when you see a woman talking to another guy in the bar or club, she’s not WITH him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve approached a woman thinking she was “with” a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.
I have regrets to those times that I’ve missed so many opportunities talking to a woman just because I saw her with another guy. And this brings me to my first point:
DON’T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.
You will know it if you try to act and find out. Just remember that in time that they are together you should be alert an respectful, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and may start a confrontation.
So use your brain - just don’t be stagnant in making a false assumptions.
The other important thing I want to talk about is the idea that another man can be more “dominant” than you.
The alpha male during caveman days had a real power - he knows where to get resources like food, and was physically stronger, that he could beat up competitors. The concept of the alpha male is completely obsolete.
But ask yourself if those power still exist today. Every man can survive on his own if he has the source of income - you probably have an access to food and shelter if you’re reading this. You’re all set.
Plus, its illegal to use the physical strength just to beat people up. It is pretty much irrelevant to use in the modern world.
It is always to your loss if you attack another person because the police always win.
If you mind doing that, you are LETTING RANDOM MEN TO STOP YOU FOR NO REASON!
Pardon my French, but who is HE to say who YOU talk to???
I recall all the girls I missed out on because I was afraid about some DUDE. And it makes me mad remembering that and knowing that the other guys are dealing with some crap!
You are going to look back on all the things you did and didn’t do, when the time comes that you’re on your deathbed. How painful it is to say “I haven’t approached that girl because I was scared of another guy,” or “I could have enjoyed being with so many beautiful women if only I have approached them even if they were TALKING to another guy.”
I don’t want to happen that to you.
So let’s look at this on a deeper level. Seeing another guy as more dominant means you don’t truly understand dominance.
You see, if you’re concerned with who is more dominant you instantly make yourself NOT dominant. There’s a better focus.
You must first THINK like a dominant man in order to become dominant. And dominant men doesn’t care who is more dominant. So what do dominant men think about? Whatever it is that they are doing or want.
So you see another guy talking to a group of girls. Instead of worrying about whether or not he’s more dominant than you, focus on the girls.
I seldom even acknowledge other guys, because it’s proven to be just a waste of time. 9 out of 10 women don’t even know the guy - they just meet him.
Or if they do, maybe ONE of the girls know him, and barely the rest know him.
Normally, seldom for women to go out with a guy they are dating, more often they would like to bring with them a guy that is more of a protector/friend because a guy like that is more valuable when they go out on the town.
And aside from that, if he IS with one of the girls, then it will be a fair game because it means that he’s NOT with the other girls.
If you are concerned with who’s the alpha male, then you are NOT the alpha male by definition. As a matter of fact, it’s questionable whether alpha males truly exist in the modern era.
Don’t assume anything, get your focus in a USEFUL place, and don’t let some random dude prevent you from enjoying YOUR LIFE!
Does it ever feel like WORK meeting women?
And how does it feel that despite of all your hard work
you’re still not getting the success you’re looking for?
If you agreed to those questions, then you may continue
reading.
Honestly, going for a date can be quite frustrating.
Seeing a woman that you like but has already a boyfriend.
You think everything will be going great with a woman and
then she stops answering your calls.
Though of course we know that it is the man that exerts a
lot of moves in order to make things right and moving.
You must have the courage in the way you approach.
YOU have to keep the conversation going at first, YOU have
to escalate physically, YOU have to get HER number or rack
your brain to figure out a logistical way to take her home,
YOU have to plan the date.
You know what, the standards for men’s behavior are much
higher than women.
(Don’t get me started on that…let’s just think that girls
are allowed to get away with sub-par behavior just because
they are “pretty.”)
That can be debilitating, especially if you don’t have an
“extroverted” trait.
… I have often heard a complain about “extroversion
fatigue” from a client of mine.
I exactly knew what he meant about because I used to
struggle with it before.
Looking back I used to teach myself about pick-up, I would
go out, talking to three or four women and then find myself
mentally DRAINED.
I would take a break and rest!
I am working hard than I was in my full time job instead of
having some fun and relax in those situation. Now you see
how strange it is.
I would go home and be absolutely DEAD
… from SPEAKING TO WOMEN!
Does it make sense to you???
And there was the overall, general dating fatigue. The
emotional ups and downs, the discouraging results, the
effort I had to make just to get women to hang out with me
or to sleep with me.
It is just like I am having an overtime in my full-time job!
When I first got in this game, I literally had to force
myself to go out and pickup ALL DAY for days on end. (I
admit, I was a nerd, and pushed it to the extreme.)
All I can say is that I have this passion in learning those
stuff (very eager for the outcome after years of sensual
frustration)
It’s like a professional athletes that pushes themselves in
the gym, that is how I pursue myself.
I was forming NEW NEUROPATHWAYS and working on my muscles
that I’ve never done before.
If you do understand any of this stuff, then probably you
are working too hard in your interaction with women.
Here are the 3 reasons for this.
First, being socially proactive may be new to you.
As I can remember, I don’t have a pectoral muscles - (the
one that is right at the top of your chest just under the
clavicle that makes the chest look bigger) before I started
lifting weights.
Actually I do have a small muscle but it was so weak that I
can’t even feel them. So every time worked them out I was
incredibly sore and could barely move my arms. And it took
me three good weeks to really feel them.
And then I reached a tipping point of sorts, where the
muscle was developed enough that I could handle big amounts
of weight without all the soreness and fatigue. Your mind is
the same way.
It takes time to develop these new neuro-pathways on your
own. If you’re not pushing yourself HARD day in-day out, it
can take awhile, depending on your skill level.
The second reason that can cause a feeling of social fatigue
is that when you think that there is too much to do or learn
when meeting women.
Actually this is more on having an overwhelmed feeling and
has somewhat a little different from “fatigue.”
Being overwhelmed by certain thing can cause exhaustion to
your mind that can lead to some sort of discouragement and
depression. It’s somewhat saying “ugh, I’ve had enough of
this too much. I’m giving up”
This will hinder you from doing any progress. I was in this
situation when I was putting a lot of theories on my notes.
And as I looked at them I’ve seen that I am just like
looking for a huge and complex physics equation.
Doing ALL of this stuff just to had a quality women in my
life was so discouraging to think.
The last reason for feeling exhausted in the dating and
mating game is that you are spending too much mental energy
in the wrong places, wasting your focus on stuff that isn’t
useful to pickup.
I’d say 99 percent of guys get it wrong when it comes to
attracting women. The thing is, the woman usually can’t
tell, because most guys learn to hide their inner “stuff”
after a few harsh rejections.
But of course we can’t oppose to the reality that when a guy
is attracted to a girl, he is trying his best just to win
her or at least know if the women likes him too.
It’s the man’s role to IMPRESS the woman and EARN a
fulfillment for your urge from her - as what we get from the
media, our parents and friends.
So Pathetic!
I see some advertisement of a guy bungling around to a cute
girl trying to impress her, and looking like a fool while
the girl giggles like she’s better because she is woman. - I
hate that kind of thing.
So much for that… what I’m trying to imply here is that
when it comes to the matter of controlling a date, guys are
being screwed.
But if a guy takes the time to adjust the way his MIND works
when it comes to attraction, it changes everything.
Once you get to highest level of your interaction with
women, you will truly be attractive to them. You just need
to be at your best both physically and emotionally.
A GUY AT HIS BEST.
Let me share with you the topic about One Night Stand
It wasn’t until I had a couple solid pickups that I started to really understand how easy all this really could be.
Looking back, I realize now that those initial successes were the start of a major “bad belief overhaul.”
I began to believe that women wanted me and wants to get in bed.
I also started to think of myself as an attractive, desirable guy (even though I’m far from what’s typically considered good-looking).
Wanting to sleep with more women is the main goal of the 75% of my students.
While the others have the aim to find their someone special but I don’t think these aim are mutually exclusive.
Because if you are looking for a special girl, you have meet a lot of women so that you determine and pick the best choice.
And if you don’t know how to meet women, this can be a daunting task.
One of the common phase that every good pickup artist goes through when they gets started. Where he to learn to thinks of new ways and behavior and then start to meet and sleep with LOT OF WOMEN.
Just like a kid in a candy store, making a full advantage of his new powers!
This period of learning is necessary, or at least it was for me in order to snap out of my old way of thinking, and internalize my new reality - that I am attractive and woman want to sleep with me.
So it’s important that you have a few really fast, casual sensual encounters, in order to get the ball rolling on forming new beliefs.
I’m talking about one-night stands, same day lays, whatever you want to call it.
Now if you’ve never had a one night stand, or maybe got lucky a couple of times when you were drunk, having a one-night ’stands at-will’ can seem just as out-of-reach as having a great girlfriend.
Actually if you know what you are doing, it will be all easy.
The crappy thing is, a lot of guys make it WAY too hard on themselves, and never get those initial sexual experiences that help them to really feel like a “natural.”
If you’re going though with this newsletter, then you really want to MASTER THE GAME aside from getting BETTER with woman.
Mastery of the game comes from within and it start right through your mindset and leads to a visible results that form New Beliefs in your mind.
Your new beliefs will become the foundation in building and facing the new reality in your life, you will then naturally attract many women without even thinking and doing fancy lines and routines.
There’s one thing you need to know when going for a one-night stand - You cannot always bring home the hottest girl in the place.
You can get a solid number from her, but its not a guarantee that you can take her home because whether or not a woman is open to going home with a guy, it varies widely in particular night.
But there are lots of horny women that are open to get physically fast and wants to get laid that same day or night. All you have to do is know how to spot them in any situation whether it is a day or night or in the club, bar and park.
Some of the few things that you should look for are on the way how they dressed up and on the way how they put some make-up. Many women exerts a lot of hard work just to look beautiful. And you know there is a reason for it.
The reason is they want to be approached. Although it isn’t always true but is generally the case.
Another thing that you can spot that a woman is looking for attention is when she is being so loud and animated.
Lastly, another good prospect are woman that are looking around the room more than the other girls that she’s with. Also a group of two or three women all standing around with blank expressions, scoping the room are another prospect.
They are basically putting themselves out there, waiting for someone to approach them.
Now when you approach, take it easy - don’t go in full-steam running your clever routines and your cocky frame control stuff.
A simple “hey, you guys look great tonight. Special occasion?” is enough. It’s just have to be social, delicate and showing that you are interested in meeting them.
You should not openly discuss to the woman that you are looking to take her home and get her into bed. Because, if you talk about that, you’re putting a woman to a point where is to agree to implicitly bang with you.
Rather you want to build sensual tension, as we discuss heavily in our workshops.
The woman will force herself to keep distance from you because that is against her “rules”. And you need a logistic information in order to figure out how to bring her back to your place
The real key to all this is subtracting any overt sensual intention, and not trying to pick her up.
You have to be willing to let go of controlling the situation, and just enjoy yourself, while escalating appropriately.
Although it may seem as counter intuitive, but this is how it works.
You must trust that women wants to be in bed and there are a lot of women in the club, bar or in any venue that wants to get a same day lay.
Some won’t and some will, and that is why you need to know how to spot and get them.
You don’t want to invest a bunch of time with the wrong girl, or worse, to pick the RIGHT girl, and then mess it up after a lengthy interaction.
It’s not worth wasting your time for that.